Thursday, January 12, 2012

Should we stay together for the children?

It is quite common that web searches for ‘divorce’ increase after Christmas.  And one of the subjects that is more asked is whether the couple should or shouldn’t stay together for the sake of their children.

Two specialists in the area, used to deal with divorcing couples all the time, gives an idea about the theme. They are Chris Mills, an integrative psychotherapist and collaborative family consultant, and Professor Peter Stratton, president of UKCP Research faculty and a systemic psychotherapist.

Stratton affirms that ‘sometimes divorce isn’t the end of the quarrelling for couples, it’s just the beginning of a whole new kind of war’ in order to refer to the influence that the conflict might provoke on children.  The main conflict of some couples may continue after divorce and the children will remain in the middle of it, making the option to stay together a better choice.

Otherwise, Mills says that to avoid damage for children parents should teach them about the conflict and how to handle it properly.  Having that in mind, to stay together just for the sake of children will be an act of dishonesty that would be taught to the children.

At the time, it becomes very important how parents manage the divorcing process, focusing on the knowledge that they want to transmit to their children about the divorcing situation and how to handle it.

The specialists suggest a list of practical things that can be put in practice with children, in order to help them to have a healthily process. All of them include the importance of honesty and confidence while telling the children about the divorcing thing and the importance of being careful with the new structures that are going to be introduced in children’s life. 

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